True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
