the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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