my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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