Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize