Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
