Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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