My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i believe in u and ur pee
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
