When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
