who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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