I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
