I showed him my bush... on skype.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
