my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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