I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
