my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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