Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
