She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
