Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
