He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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