I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
