He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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