i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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