Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I think i got beer on your cat.
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