what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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