All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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