even my farts smell like vagina
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize