6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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