Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize