Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
