saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
