do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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