What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize