So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
