there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
