I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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