Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
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Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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