I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
