Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
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He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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