just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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