you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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