it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
