You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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