You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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