you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
