Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm passing your future prison.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
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On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
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He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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