so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
