Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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