Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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