I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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