I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
