Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
