Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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