So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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