I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
