MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
