my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
