Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
