barbara walters just said penis...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
