Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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