I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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