I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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