things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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