well I can't set my house on fire every night
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
