seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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