I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
