I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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