Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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